My article on KOMPAS KLASS, Jan. 5 : Transforming BRAIN DRAIN to BRAIN BANK

As usual, I post here my ORIGINAL (not edited by the newspaper) article :) . We had a long discussion about the title, the possibilities are: Quo Vadis, Musikus Muda? and Berbakti untuk Negeri, Di Luar Negeri, but at last we settle down with Mengubah Brain Drain jadi Brain Bank. So, here it is. ............................................................................................................................................. Mungkin banyak dari kita yang masih belum sadar, bahwa jumlah pelajar Indonesia yang kuliah musik sastra (istilah yang menurut penulis lebih tepat daripada "musik klasik" karena artinya "musik yang tertulis") di luar negeri saat ini mencapai ratusan jumlahnya. Dua di antaranya adalah gitaris John Paul dan penyanyi soprano Jessica J. Januar "JJ" yang 18 Desember lalu diundang oleh Instituto Italiano di Jakarta untuk menggelar konser yang inspiratif. JJ memang baru saja lulus dari kuliahnya di Guildhall School of Music (London), sedangkan John Paul masih kuliah di Cimarosa Conservatory of Music (Italia) , dibawah bimbingan gitaris ternama dunia, Aniello Desiderio. John berhasil "menembus antrian" ratusan gitaris muda yang berambisi untuk menimba ilmu dari sang Maestro kelahiran Napoli ini. ............................................................................................................................................. Nilai artistik serta kepekaan musikal mereka tentu tidak diragukan lagi, dan bukan untuk itu saya menulis artikel ini. Saya ingin menekankan visi dan metode mereka dalam programming konser mereka, yang menyatukan musik Italia dan Indonesia. Di konser ini JJ memang hanya menyanyikan 2 lagu sebagai bintang tamu, tapi John Paul dengan gitarnya bukan semata-mata pamer virtuositas dengan karya-karya yang sudah sangat populer oleh Moreno Torroba atau F. Tarrega (anda mungkin tidak tahu nama ini walaupun tema karyanya Gran Valse digunakan Nokia untuk ringtone-nya yang anda kantongi selama bertahun-tahun). Memang, para komponis paling terkemuka dunia untuk gitar kebanyakan berasal dari Spanyol, dan memang John Paul memainkan Invocation & Dance karya Joaquin Rodrigo sebagai pembuka. Tapi menu utama konsernya adalah mahakarya komponis Italia, Mario Castelnuovo Tedesco, "Sonata Omaggio a Boccherini" yang panjangnya sekitar 18 menit (terasa lebih pendek sewaktu dimainkan John Paul, bukan karena tempo permainan yang cepat, tapi karena pendalaman struktural dan musikalitas yang jauh melebihi sekedar jemari menari di atas instrumen membuat karya ini menjadi utuh dan ekspresif). Kemudian Jessica hadir, karena kebetulan malam itu komponis Indonesia yang mereka persembahkan adalah karya saya untuk soprano dan gitar. Meskipun 2 lagu saya itu berdasarkan puisi Walt Whitman dan Henry Longfellow, ada unsur keindonesiaan dalam musiknya. Saya tidak akan mengulas karya sendiri di sini, hanya ingin menekankan bahwa dengan membawa identitas Indonesia, mereka memiliki keunikan yang tidak dimiliki oleh musikus Eropa yang sehingga dapat membantu mereka untuk menonjol (stand-out) dari para kolega mereka. Pemilihan mereka untuk karya berbahasa Inggris pun cerdas, karena karya tersebut dapat lebih berkomunikasi dengan pendengar asing. Tingkat kesulitan karya saya tidak setinggi karya Rodrigo atau Castelnuovo Tedesco, tapi pada akhirnya yang dibutuhkan penonton memang bukan akrobat virtuositas, melainkan kekuatan komunikasi para musikus ke penonton, dan untuk itu dibutuhkan kematangan bermusik seperti yang dimiliki mereka berdua. Satu not bisa saja lebih ekspresif dari ribuan not-not yang bertebaran dan secara cepat dibawakan oleh jemari atau pita suara yang lentur. Dengan menyandingkan Tedesco dengan saya, komunikasi antar budaya Italia dan Indonesia terjalin di konser ini. ............................................................................................................................................. Mereka mewakili banyak pemusik muda Indonesia yang berprestasi gemilang di luar negeri. Pianis Edith Widayani (yang kini sedang menempuh program Doktor di Eastman School of Music) menjadi pemenang pertama di Chopin Competition di Amerika tahun 2014. Soprano Bernadeta Astari yang lulus dengan Summa Cum Laude dari Utrecht Conservatory of Music adalah anggota Nederlandse Reisopera yang bergengsi dan menjadi tokoh utama berbagai opera di Belanda dan sekitarnya. Penyanyi countertenor Julius Firdaus setelah lulus sebagai "Musician of the Year 2013" di Australian International Conservatory of Music (Sydney) menjadi kepala dari departemen untuk rehearsals di Sydney Opera House dimana dia juga menjadi solois dalam beberapa produksi opera. Saya hanya menyebut 3 contoh yang paling menonjol dan telah memenangkan berbagai kompetisi internasional serta melanglang ke mancanegara, dan jika diteruskan, artikel ini hanya akan berisi nama-nama lain. Memang kita masih jauh di bawah --dan saya kira tidak akan mencapai-- Cina dimana ada 40 juta lebih pianis (dan pemain instrumen lain juga mencapai jutaan), tapi jumlah pemusik genre ini masih terus meningkat dengan pesat di Indonesia. ............................................................................................................................................. Di salah satu perbincangan saya dengan mantan Presiden B.J. Habibie, beliau mengatakan bahwa beliau bisa mengerti jika para lulusan bidang musik sastra tidak mau pulang ke Indonesia karena ketidakjelasannya lapangan pekerjaan di sini. Waktu itu beliau mengacu ke saya dan membandingkannya dengan pengalaman beliau di bidang teknologi. Tapi apakah itu berarti bahwa kami yang "kecantol" di luar negeri itu memang tidak berguna untuk negara? ............................................................................................................................................. Seperti pak Habibie, saya percaya bahwa kaum diaspora tetap atau bahkan dapat lebih berguna untuk tanah kelahiran jika tinggal di luar negeri. "Cari makan" di negeri orang itu bukan "pengkhianatan" terhadap negara asalnya, karena kami tidak menghabiskan uang negara. Bahkan kaum diaspora yang cerdas, ambisius, jujur, cinta terhadap pekerjaannya serta idealis malah membawa nama negara selama ada di luar. Istilah "brain drain" dengan terjemahan harafiahnya ("otak terkuras") malah menjadi lebih tepat jika mereka yang punya keahlian khusus itu tidak dapat terpakai di dalam negeri karena negara belum bisa menyediakan lapangan pekerjaan untuk itu. Sekarang, dengan minat di musik sastra yang begitu besar di Indonesia (walaupun baru di kota-kota besar), banyak lapangan kerja terbuka untuk para musikus lulusan luar negeri: sebagai pengajar, pemain orkes, pengisi musik untuk teater, film dan tari. Selain itu, saya pun telah membuktikan bahwa konser dan rekaman CD maupun distribusi lewat toko daring seperti iTunes dengan musik sastra Indonesia cukup diminati; memang tidak bisa dibandingkan dengan penghasilan dari musik pop, tapi ini sebuah indikasi yang bagus. ............................................................................................................................................. Manajemen untuk jenis musik ini di Indonesia pun masih dalam tahap uji coba, karena jenis musik ini memang membutuhkan cara yang berbeda dengan musik-musik lain yang lebih komersial, ditambah dengan cara penerimaan publik Indonesia (dan negara-negara Asia pada umumnya) yang berbeda. Memang manajemen ini bisa dipelajari di Eropa, tapi tidak segampang itu menerapkannya di Indonesia dan Asia. Indonesian problems need Indonesian solutions, itu selalu dasar pemikiran saya di Indonesia, setelah tinggal hampir 30 tahun di Eropa. Bahkan penurunan drastis minat publik terhadap musik sastra di Eropa sendiri pun adalah kesalahan marketing dan manajemen seni yang bertumpu pada subsidi pemerintah lokal (yang terus menyusut drastis) dan bukan dari penggalangan minat penonton, yang ironisnya masih diterapkan di banyak fakultas manajemen seni di Eropa. ............................................................................................................................................. Salah siapakah sampai fenomena brain drain ini terjadi? Siapapun yang anda tunjuk, yang bisa kita lakukan adalah berpikir bagaimana memaksimalisasi para ahli ini untuk negaranya sendiri dan mengubah brain drain menjadi brain bank. Cina baru saja meluncurkan sebuah proyek untuk mengembangkan 100 universitas menjadi lembaga kelas dunia yang tidak hanya memberikan pendidikan tinggi, tetapi juga lapangan kerja akademik dan kesempatan penelitian. Pemerintahan Uni-Eropa kini sedang berusaha meningkatkan daya tarik Eropa menjadi daerah penelitian dan jumlah dana yang ditujukan untuk sumber daya manusia di program lima-tahunan Research Framework Programme dari ke 6 dan ke-7 telah digandakan dari € 18 M ke € 50 M. Indonesia, dengan kekayaan musik daerahnya sangat berpotensi juga untuk digali, diteliti dan dikembangkan untuk musik sastra seperti yang telah saya lakukan di Rapsodia Nusantara yang kini telah menjadi bagian dari jemari ratusan pianis di mancanegara, dengan "efek sampingan" positifnya adalah pelestarian lagu-lagu daerah yang sudah banyak yang punah itu. Pastinya ada banyak cara lain untuk mengeksploitasi kekayaan budaya kita, bukan? ............................................................................................................................................. Ananda Sukarlan, Pianis & komponis, @anandasukarlan

Ilham will always mean inspiration (RIP, Ilham Malayu)

Obituaries. Those are entries I wish I'd never gotta write. Just a few days ago I blogged about the death of my longtime idol Dietrich Fischer-Dieskau who I never knew, and this time not only on another great inspirer of mine, but a great friend too. ----- The writer & poet Ilham Malayu passed away yesterday. He was the first person whose poems convinced me to write music based on my language. I have lived since 1987 abroad, and during those years I haven't had enough contact with Indonesian language, since Yahoo Messenger, Facebook and let alone Twitter haven't been invented yet. So naturally I felt more at home in other languages, English and later Spanish. That's why the vocal works pre-2005 of mine were all based on these languages..... until I met Ilham Malayu. His poem, KAMA, became my first song in Indonesian. You can read all about it in my entry at http://andystarblogger.blogspot.com/2006/12/my-song-your-song-not-elton-johns.html . --------------------------------- Ilham was a great example of a winner. A winner is not someone who never failed: he is, like all of us, one who failed but manages to get up and learn from his mistakes. And he's made the world a much better place too. As you can read in my article about him, he was a drug addict. Now, llham used narcotics, psychotropic and other addictive substances (drugs) for 12 years. Eight years of which he was wearing it every day with a lot of volume. "There have been many kinds of drugs I used. Start of morphine, marijuana, heroin, until metadone," he once said. In 1999, when he was released from prison, Ilham was determined to fight in the path of anti-drug. "I have principles, do not let someone else end up like me. Those who have not been exposed to it, please do not try. Those who have become addicts should stop immediately," he said. He was determined to stop being an addict a few years before he finished his sentence in jail. That was done because he saw pictures of his son (from a previous wife), Kama Kelana, which was sent to prison. In the photo Kama accidentally put a frown. "The photo was accompanied by the phrase: This is for my father. From there I realized this while I was having fun, my child was suffering," said Ilham who immediately asked the warden to be treated for an escape from drug addiction. After he was released he worked in a rehab center for drug addicts, and he became a councellor for many of young drug addicts. He also became an activist and public speaker against drug abuse. ---------------- He will be missed. He transmitted beauty in our life. Beauty in our lives against drugs, and beauty in poetry. -------------------------- A thing of beauty is a joy forever: its loveliness increases; it will never pass into nothingness. - John Keats. Requiescat in Pace, Muhammad Ilham Malayu.

The problem of the opera, and a new look at KAMA

That is a stupid title, I know. Operas only poses problems. Or shall we say, if you are a composer and you wanna complicate your life, write an opera. But there are crazier people than composers : those who want to produce (an) opera(s). It's not an easy business. Right from the very beginning, one needs not only singers, but singers who can act, understand the language (yea yea, it's much more than just memorizing. It's a matter of understanding completely the text), sometimes dance. And like any other actors, they should be willing to learn new things. In Verdi's Aida they should learn how to ride a horse, and in mine ... ride a bicycle!

My third opera which I am writing now (and almost finished, thank God!) will be the "real" opera of mine. It is commissioned by Bimasena, who also was responsible for the birth of my second cantata LIBERTAS. My first two had only 2 and 1 soloists, and they can be called "chamber operas" (they made a sequel, both on Seno Gumira Ajidarma's fantastic drama scripts). This time it involves lots of soloists (4 baritones, 1 tenor who plays the very small but very important role as Soekarno, our first president, and 1 soprano), who have to really act (and even dance) and a real orchestra to accompany it. And now I understand why Verdi and Wagner were all nuts. I am letting all kinds of outer influences being absorbed and manifest themselves in this opera : Michael Jackson, Stravinsky, Salvador Dali, Chendra's choreography, Andy Warhol's pop art, avantgardism of the 1960s (especially the artistry of Cathy Barberian and Luciano Berio), Shakira ... and the long list continues. All this meshed into my (what I consider) "personal artistic" elements, or to say it in a different way, I stole all those exciting stuff and make an "arty" (read: "boring") version of them all. Just like what I did with my previous operas ; if you'd seen them you might slightly detect how Michael Jackson and Madonna influenced me so much. And I am doing one thing here for the first time in my life : write an additional libretto. Not so much though, but it's quite an attempt. Until now, not one word of the texts for my works are mine. And to be honest I don't really like those words I wrote too much, --apart from the fact that it took me too much time!-- so I'll stick with other people's texts in the future Writing one word took as long as writing a few bars of music for me.

This third opera of mine is called "Pro Patria". That title is mine. About 90% of the libretto is taken from the conversations in the novel "Kalah dan Menang" (To lose and to win), written by the late great Indonesian writer Sutan Takdir Alisjahbana (STA). I studied Britten's libretto on his masterpiece "A Midsummernight's Dream" and learned how skillfully he extracted Shakespeare's play into the libretto of his opera. Without previous study of Britten, I would've been lost in the creative process of my opera. Sometimes I modified a few words in STA's sentences, but it won't change the atmosphere of STA's language. It is set around the 1940s, when the Japanese managed to get rid of the Dutch in their occupancy in Indonesia. The novel itself goes on until the 1950s, but I finish my opera with Soekarno (our first president) reading the Declaration of Independence, August 17th, 1945. Anyway, I laughed at the fact that the libretto of my first 2 operas are by SGA, and this time is by STA. And my initial is AS. Needless to say, obviously I play with the motif built on the notes "A" and "(e)S" in this opera. Sharing 2 letters of our initial, as I have experienced with SGA, would hopefully bring good luck again this time.

A post scriptum on my song, KAMA. Bernadeta Astari, my young & supertalented soprano friend who has sang many of my songs (and the dedicatee of my song-cycle "Senyap Dalam Derai") did a fantastic final exam yesterday at the Utrecht Conservatory. She acquired a 10+ for her mark, so she repeated history that I made 17 years ago. Now this should warn our fellow Indonesian music students, that this mark should not wait another 17 years to be repeated, ok folks?
She sang KAMA at her exam, and many people were moved to tears. I wasn't there, but our friends told me how powerful she did it. It was one of the highlights of her recital (yeah, knowing her, a concert could have many highlights!) And also bravissimma to her pianist, Kanako Inoue. The piano part of that song is not easy, not technically and even more "interpretatively" whatever it means. The silences are more difficult than the notes! In fact I never dared to think highly on that song. It was my very first setting of an Indonesian text, therefore I was still searching and trying many things in that piece. The poem was so powerful, written in a prison by Ilham Malayu, about his feeling of missing his son after 5 years or so rotting in jail and forgotten by the world. Not only it was my first Indonesian song, it was my first piece written exclusively in a non-modulating pentatonic scale. So it was a huge breakthrough for me. And I am glad that it works out well. Anyway, this experience has taught me that one's first attempt doesn't have to be a failure, or worse than one's next attempts. It would sound like an idiot, but honestly I haven't felt 100% sure in setting poems until now, after 3 operas and about 100 songs ; I still feel like a beginner!

Romeo*Juliet

So I keep my promise ! Rather late .. but hey ...

Who would have guessed that my first music for the film would be for a film about football ? I was baffled when the Indonesian film director Andibachtiar Yusuf approached me earlier this year to ask me to score the music for his "Romeo*Juliet". Yes, you got it right. But instead of Montague and Capulet, it is the Jakarta against the Bandung football fanclubs. The confrontation between them goes back to many decades, and when it happens, they are notorious for being violent. People got killed during their fights. So, you can guess how the story goes ...

... which reminds me, inevitably, of WestSide Story. It IS difficult not to have that masterpiece as a reference ! But Yusuf's film is not a musical film, so my job is a bit easier. Oh, I forgot to tell you that he wanted me and only me for this job, because of his huge crush on my duet from the cantata Ars Amatoria "Dalam Doaku" (In my Prayer). Definitely that song became an important part of the film ; in fact, the film revolved around that song. Yusuf was (is, and always will be) a great fan of rock music, and he has never fancied any kind of classical (read : soft, boring) music. But I am dubiously flattered when he discovered through my music that classical music is not that bad! Something is definitely very wrong with my music, or ... ?
For the film, I used other songs ("Kasih" and "Ketika Kau Entah Dimana", which happens to be my favorite amongst my songs) of mine, recently released in the CD "Ananda Sukarlan Vocal Works" for that film as well, besides writing quite a lot of new materials purely instrumental. So you can hear the voices of Bernadeta Astari and Joseph Kristanto in that film once in a while blasting from the cinema loudspeakers. The motifs I use for the whole soundtrack are taken from the hymn of both football clubs, and I just make some variations out of them, according to the situation which it accompanies.

This version of Romeo*Juliet is very Indonesian. I mean, the unromantic oriental type of love. Passionate, but unromantic. There is even no balcony scene in the whole film! I was quite confused when I read the script, but when I received the rough cut of the film, I honestly was pretty impressed. And I was quite inspired after I watched the rough cut. I decided that I don't have to escape from my musical style ; the film is very, very Indonesian in many ways, so that my "western" musical style would just compliment it without "stealing the show" as they say. As Aaron Copland said about writing music for films : "The best film music is the one you don't notice". In other words, you can hear it, but you don't listen to it.

The film is due to be shown in cinemas 21 throughout Indonesia starting late March 2009.

I, too, have a dream

Next week, a new CD of my works for voice(s) is gonna be released. I am so happy and honoured to have the soprano Bernadeta Astari "Deta" and the baritone Joseph Kristanto "Akis" record my vocal works. Apart from the fact that they are the two singers who have specialized in almost all my music involving the human voice and have worked with me intensely in performing them, they are magnificent musicians with impeccable techical abilities, sensitive artistry and profound musical understanding.

My interest in the human voice dated back in the 1980s when I heard Benjamin Britten's Serenade for tenor, horn and strings during my student years. That was the first vocal work that has made me weep, literally weep, during its performance. Since then, I started my collection of all Peter Pears' recording of Britten's whole ouvres, so my first vocal works were just bad copies of Britten and justly enough they all ended up in my dustbin. In the 1990s, it was the poetry of Walt Whitman, William Blake and Longfellow that have helped me find my own path. Still, I was feeling uneasy for not being able to feel at home in setting words of my own language. Ilham Malayu's poems during his stay in Bangkok prison were the first poems in Indonesian that I set to music, but it wasn't until very recently that I had a huge crush with the poetry of Sapardi Djoko Damono. And then came along other great Indonesian poets : Goenawan Mohamad, Eka Budianta, Hasan Aspahani, Nirwan Dewanto, Ook Nugroho and so on. Ah, and that fascinating miniaturist lady, Medy Loekito. And with my inspirational singer friends around, my Indonesian songs just came along and took shape naturally. I feel that my best music ("best" is according to my, and only mine, not other people's standard) are written inspired by people or their artistry.

I have a dream (this is not because of Obama reminding the famous phrase of MLK), that one day Indonesia will have virtuosi of all instruments, so that they would and could inspire me to write concertos for each of them : a violin concerto, clarinet concerto, up to ... bassoon concerto, harp concerto, tuba concerto and --why not?-- a percussion concerto. And yeah, my next Concerto for piano and orchestra should not be written for myself. There are many, many highly talented young Indonesian pianists around. They will prevail. And very soon.

I Sit and Look Out, con molto tristezza

During these days post-Ananda Sukarlan Award, I had nice times hangin' around with many of the winners and finalists. Most of them are teenagers, with their dreams to follow, and most of them just had experienced their first love – or first break up. Anyway, I enjoyed immensely being around those young people. You can see love in their faces, in their eyes, in their mirada ; and it brings back memories – and therefore, inspiration !

Back to the present, or not so distant past. Sometime around 2004, lying in bed of a hotel room somewhere in Italy I watched on TV the re-election of George W. Bush, coincidentally with Walt Whitman poems with me in bed. I remember my feeling depressed, affirming to myself that WE choose our destiny, which sometimes means our destruction. D’you know, by the way, that most of the Jews voted for Hitler back in the 30s ?
Well, history repeats itself. And Bush continued his massive destruction : killing millions in Iraq and everywhere else, legalizing tortures, drowning the world economy etc etc. What Whitman wrote in his dark poem “I Sit and Look Out” is not so different than the situation during this first decade of our millennium. That horrible news on TV had triggered most of the notes and chords in my song. But then I had to head back home, and it remained unfinished – and forgotten …

...Until a few weeks ago. My friends, Bernadeta Astari “Deta”, Joseph Kristanto “Akis” and myself (well, no need to mention a nickname for this latter) talked about recording my songs. They are, in fact, new friends of mine. I met Deta just about 3 or 4 years ago, and Akis even more recently, through a common friend the conductor Tommy Prabowo whom I knew since I was a teenager (both Tommy and Akis will be involved in my opera "Mengapa Kau Culik Anak Kami"). Since then, those two have inspired me a lot, both as great musicians and as wonderful, humble, down-to-earth humans they are. I wish all those "superstars" around us would possess their technique, sensitivity and artistry !
At last, 24 from about 70 of my songs will be in that first CD. Now with the hope of Barack Obama for the next president I suddenly remembered my poor Whitman song, and thinking of Deta’s voice that has always, and will always inspire me, I looked for it among the heap of my manuscripts … and finished it. And we’ve recorded it in Jakarta a few days ago. So, it will be the only song in English in that CD. The rest is all my Indonesian songs … well, I’ll tell you later the titles. So, that 4-minute lament is doubly dedicated to Deta, and to myself looking forward to the end of GWB’s pestilence and tyranny. Still four months to go !

Here’s the complete poem of Whitman's "I Sit and Look Out" :

I SIT and look out upon all the sorrows of the world, and upon all oppression and shame;
I hear secret convulsive sobs from young men, at anguish with themselves, remorseful after deeds done;
I see, in low life, the mother misused by her children, dying, neglected, gaunt, desperate;
I see the wife misused by her husband—I see the treacherous seducer of young women;
I mark the ranklings of jealousy and unrequited love, attempted to be hid—I see these sights on the earth;
I see the workings of battle, pestilence, tyranny—I see martyrs and prisoners;
I observe a famine at sea—I observe the sailors casting lots who shall be kill’d, to preserve the lives of the rest;
I observe the slights and degradations cast by arrogant persons upon laborers, the poor, and upon negroes, and the like;
All these—All the meanness and agony without end, I sitting, look out upon,
See, hear, and am silent.

More music in YouTube

Chendra has been busy uploading some performances of my music in YouTube ! You can listen to Bernadeta Astari & Rainier Revireino singing duets from my cantata Ars Amatoria :
Dalam Doaku : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OwIV4gBlhCs
Hatiku Selembar Daun : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-WS5HztZlyQ

And the baritone Rainier himself singing my songs :
2 songs on Chendra's poem : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=migUwTlGaAE
Oh , well, just search under my name "Ananda Sukarlan" for more videos !

No regrets

Ok, ok, so you complained that lately I write more about airlines and less about music. Well, you can see a new (very short) video of Deta Astari & Elwin Hendrijanto brilliantly playing my song on Sapardi Djoko Damono's cute poem in :
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xk0Ac2E5WPQ

That is one song from my cycle of 6 songs "Senyap Dalam Derai". Deta & Elwin will sing the complete cycle in their concert for the opening of the JCOM Fest, on the 28th of July in Goethe Haus, Jakarta.

Also another email asked me about "what's my biggest regret until now". What about if I answer it with "That I wasn't the composer of WestSide Story" ? And neither of Candide .... nor Shosty's Fifth or Seventh Symphony .... or Britten's War Requiem ..... well, there is always something to regret in your life ! He he ....