Robin Williams did NOT die of suicide, and art is sh*t

This entry is one that I wish I wouldn't have needed to write, but I feel that I have the obligation to write it, for many reasons. It's been 1 week since the death of my idol, hero and life-changer, the actor-comedian Robin Williams. He committed suicide, and many have tweeted (especially the religious ones) that he had a choice to end his life, unlike those who died of accidents or illness. The word “suicide” gives many people the impression that “it was his own decision,” or “he chose to die, whereas most people with cancer fight to live.” And, because Depression is still such a misunderstood condition, you can hardly blame people for not really understanding. Just a quick search on Twitter will show how many people have little sympathy for those who commit suicide. .............................................................................................................................................. You know I suffer from Asperger Syndrome. It comes with many "side effects" : feeling lonely in the crowds, strange reactions & feelings to the situation around us, need of isolation, inability to communicate or socialize ... and depression. So, I identify very well what Mr. Williams went through, although his was 10 or even 100 times worse than mine (at the moment anyway). Depression is not a choice of lifestyle. You can’t just “cheer up” with depression, just as you can’t choose not to have cancer. When someone commits suicide as a result of Depression, they die from Depression – an illness that kills millions each year. It is hard to know exactly how many people actually die from Depression each year because the figures and statistics only seem to show how many people die from “suicide” each year (and you don’t necessarily have to suffer Depression to commit suicide, it’s usually just implied). I feel the need to clarify the stigmas that continue to surround it. Perhaps Depression might lose some its “it was his own fault” stigma, if we start focusing on the illness, rather than the symptom. Robin Williams didn’t die from suicide. He died from Depression. It wasn’t his choice to suffer that. And it has to do with "art". Eh? Well, let me tell you about it. .............................................................................................................................................. I consider "art" as our vomit, or our sh*t. Yes, it can be THAT disgusting. We create art because it's something inside us that needs to go out of our body, or our system, otherwise it becomes poison for us. That's why sometimes we can't stand listening to our own music, or see our own paintings. The most beautiful works of art so often were born out of pain and sufferings. And that's why, if you wonder why artists sometimes can be such complex people, we have the necessity to "create art", unlike some "healthy people" who can be happy in life without doing it. It's a way to create balance in us. And I wish more people would understand this: creating art doesn't necessarily means that the artist has so much time and "feel like" doing something, Producing art is not a pastime like filling up crossword puzzles. And sometimes, getting that "art" out of our system is still not enough. I do believe that when we who are gifted with creativity, something is also taken away from us. It is the nature's (or God's, if I may guess) way to create balance. And that's why I think you should be happy if you don't have the necessity to create. Coz you're balanced already. .............................................................................................................................................. Anyway, back to Robin Williams, I am deeply grateful for his role as Professor John Keating in the film "Dead Poets' Society". So sad that RW died the way Neil died in this film. Prof. Keating reminded me the meaning of life: coz we're creatures of human race and we have love. Dead Poets Society has changed my life. I identify so closely with Todd Anderson (played by Ethan Hawke) in that film. He transformed me from that kind of boy I was: afraid, confused and insecure to face the world, but Keating has reminded us, through Walt Whitman's poem, that "we can contribute a verse". And oh my, what a verse that Mr. Williams has contributed to us! Requiescat in Pace, Robin Williams. You have changed the life of at least a boy who was afraid to face his own choice for his life.

... and what about Asperger's Syndrome ?

I posted about Hans Asperger a few days ago in my facebook, at the International Asperger's Day on Feb. 18th that coincided with Asperger's birthday in 1906, in which I confirmed and admitted that indeed I am convinced that besides Tourette's Syndrome, I also am an "Aspie" -- the popular term for us who have Asperger's Syndrome. (please read http://andystarblogger.blogspot.com.es/2013_05_01_archive.html for my entry about Tourette Syndrome). It is quite common for a person to have both Tourette AND Asperger, since they both fall under the same autistic spectrum. .............................................................................................................................................. It all began when I was diagnosed in 1996 with a clear Tourette Syndrome and a "high probability" of Asperger's Syndrome. I even don't understand why they put Asperger with an apostrophe "s", which they don't put with Tourette! Oh well, psychologists, they are all full of mysteries. From now on, I'll refer to them with AS and TS only. .............................................................................................................................................. AS remains a controversial diagnosis due to its unclear relationship to the autism spectrum since Mr. Asperger's paper published in 1944. Only in the 1980s that people took interest in it. I have indeed given a clue of my AS in an interview at the Jakarta Post with writer Bruce Emond, back in 2008 during the celebration of my 40th birthday : http://andystarblogger.blogspot.com.es/2010/09/horribly-lonely-in-jakarta-post.html . I quote myself answering Mr. Emond's question: What would people be surprised to know about you?. I answered: I have this strange hormone in me which provokes the feeling of extreme loneliness (even if I am in a crowd). It’s been working inside me since I was a teenager. And that loneliness cannot be cured by just being with someone. When it happens, it usually indicates that I should write music. My best music is written when I am feeling horribly lonely. .............................................................................................................................................. Being lonely, or alone, is a common trait for Aspies. AS, as with the other syndromes in the autistic spectrum, has more to do with social and psychological aspects than a physical one. I won't try to explain everything about AS, since I am not an expert in that, and also since AS is still a mysterious syndrome. The problem is that there are so many speculations about people in the past who allegedly suffered from AS which I find rather disconcerting, such as Thomas Jefferson, Sir Isaac Newton or Albert Einstein. Even Mozart! With Mozart, his Tourette Syndrome was pretty convincing, but how would one know that he had AS too? Anyway, there are similar traits of people with TS or AS. What I would like to say is just that we, people with AS and TS could, and even should, behave and socialize quite "normally". I certainly --and am sure I represent other people with AS and TS-- do not want to be treated differently. Yeah, during the Nazi era, people like us were put into concentration camps, but that was the case of everyone "different", such as homosexuals etc. In fact, it is proven that people with AS usually excel in one or even several fields, since a particular part of our brain is highly activated. Therefore, we get people with AS like Bill Gates or the founder & designer of Pokemon game, Satoshi Tajiri. .............................................................................................................................................. Another thing I would like to rectify is the common belief that people with AS can't be "empathic". That's very wrong. In fact, after talking with fellow Aspies, I can tell you that we are just the opposite: we are hypersensitive people. We just don't know, most of the times, how to express it physically. And I think this is where my music comes from : it can express things which I am unable to express through gestures, words or actions. I found a good article about debunking myths of AS and explaining it better here : http://psychcentral.com/lib/debunking-6-myths-about-asperger-syndrome/0008957/2 . So, that convinced me again of what I always said about music : We write, perform and play music to express, not to impress.