Pain is Inevitable, Suffering is Optional

There have been quite a few pros and contras about the "teaser" or "preview" on my next opera, CLARA when we performed parts of it last month at the Four Seasons Hotel, Jakarta. Whatever the reaction, it didn't leave people indifferent. The role of Clara's father was sung by the same tenor who will sing it in the premiere next December, Nikodemus Lukas, but the role of CLARA was sung not by Isyana Sarasvati, but by Evelyn Merrelita, who is a bit older than Isyana. Her role at this "teaser" concert wasn't big anyway, and it was done without much acting, and no real costumes and decors, so it was allright. Allright? No, she sang brilliantly, as usual, and so did Niko. We performed 2 arias of Clara's Father : Jangan Pulang (Don't Come Home) and Pesan Papa Terakhir (Dad's last message). The text (by Seno Gumira Ajidarma) is direct, stabbing, and clear. Poetic, but honest and true. In fact, CLARA will be premiered as the closing of the International 16 days against Gender violence, also coinciding with the International Human Rights Day which will also include the Indonesian premiere of that controversial documentary by the Oscar-nominated (for his previous documentary on exactly the theme of violence during the Suharto era) director, Joshua Oppenheimer : The Look of Silence. This film has already been premiered during the Venice Film Festival a few weeks ago. Anyway, about the "contra"s for my opera : some people (especially who went through what happened during the period of the fall of Suharto in May 1998) expressed that my opera will be too painful to them. Not only politically, but also psychologically. Those scars are about to heal, why should we open them up again? .............................................................................................................................................. Do we move on in this life by forgetting the pain of the past? My best friend, the one I always turn to in times of sorrow, always tells me this phrase : Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional. That simple? If it's that simple, why is it so hard? .............................................................................................................................................. I am working hard, very hard in finishing this opera. It's been a difficult period, last August and September. I practically composed next to zero during that period. Now time is running out, apart from the fact that my biggest inspirer is always that thing called "deadline", I suddenly have all the things that could inspire and motivate me to compose : the performance of Evelyn Merrelita and Nikodemus Lukas really boosted something inside me (although Evelyn will not sing in my opera in December. I will, certainly, write another opera involving her, after my comic opera "Laki-laki Sejati" where she took the main role 2 years ago), and also the book "Disangkal" ("Denied") which the National Commission On Violence Against Women gave me as a gift. It is a manifestation of "Homo Homini Lupus", a proof of how low humans could act and inflict sufferings to each other. It is a powerful book, and I now know that I am indeed destined to write these operas to understand more about what happened in the past in my beloved country. You see, in May 98 I was still in my appartment in Den Haag. I didn't have internet back then and since it's never a habit for me to watch the news on TV, I realized what happened only a few days later. I then called my mom in Jakarta, who said that I shouldn't worry since that huge mass riot was systematically and massively organized against people of Chinese descendant. Not only we are Javanese, but also my dad was in the military so my family was just very, very safe. And only a year later when I went to Indonesia I found out that things indeed were much worse than I thought. Hundreds of Chinese weren't just killed; they were tortured, and the women were raped in ways unimaginable. There is a history of anti-Chinese sentiment in Indonesia, but even taking that into consideration, the violence of May 98 was unusually extreme and virulent, attributed to the encouragement of the army and the Suharto regime. .............................................................................................................................................. Friends, we are afraid of ourselves, of our own reality; our feelings most of all. Pain is a feeling. Your feelings are a part of you. Your own reality. If you feel ashamed of them, and hide them, you’re letting society destroy your reality. You should stand up for your right to feel your pain. This is not opening old scars, friends. This is about resisting to forget. To heal, we must forgive, but we cannot forget. This entry I wrote is not about being strong, it's about overcoming our weakness. Whether you were held or beaten, cared for or neglected, happy or sad, or TORTURED AND RAPED, take a moment to remind yourself that we are not defined by what has been done or done to us, but by what we choose to do with the time we have left. Fear should be faced head-on and if we're going to fight it, we should do it in a forum that allows the opportunity to help anyone who can relate to it find the courage to move past the past or reach out to get help to escape a painful present. It is painful, yes it is, but we should turn pain into wisdom, and make sure we do not inflict that pain to others in the future. I believe painful emotions have a self-healing and self-correcting component. When we take advantage of it, we flourish. When we don't, we suffer. So, we choose. That simple? If it's that simple, why is it so hard?