Now that's very fine, Mr. President, what you said about change. Most people are so conservative that they are afraid of any changes. In fact, one gets older in order to get settled down, and "well-established" instead of "seeking change, new life and new civilations". If one is comfortable with something, why change it, right? But what about this thing that happens to me now ? I am feeling a kind of change ... in my music. And it's not me who wanted this change. Now, that's ok, considering that I've been in and out writing music for the last 20 years, and I did have some changes in my musical language in the past. I do envy Rachmaninov who had been so consistent throughout his life. Even all his 4 piano concerti ends in the same manner: pam papapam !! (as if there are no other ways to end a piece of music). Oh yeah, I just finished my Rapsodia Nusantara no.4 a few days ago, and I was making sure that the ending is different from the 1st, 2nd and 3rd he he ..
Now back to change .. the thing is that I think I like my music more and more. I still am a Britten and Stravinsky wannabe, but hey, I write music because I want to listen to it and nobody has written it, that's why I write it down, right ? And then I know that many people also likes my music, and although I keep on telling this bulls**t to myself that "artists write not for people, but to express what they believe", I do feel flattered every time I realize that my music can "move" someone. Together with this change in my musical language, I also realized that I like new kinds of music which I wasn't really fond of previously. Two "H" composers have been my favorite lately : Hindemith and Hans Werner Henze. In the latter case, I even know him personally, and still wasn't a big fan of his music. Until recently, for the last few weeks.
So, what kind of change is happening ? First of all, with my 4th Rapsodia, I did something, an experiment if you like to call it so, which I never did before. I wrote about my method of composing in this blog about last month. At last it has 10 variations, but I couldn't avoid feeling rather jittery when I finished writing the variations, having 10 pieces of puzzle to construct. Even some silly questions popped up, such as "Why should the bare & naked theme appear in the beginning?" I still don't know if my "4th" would work as a solid construction, but that's the risk if one wants to "change". A work of art is never finished, said Paul Valery, and this phrase could serve as a big consolation in times like this ..
Another change is the harmony in my music : it's getting darker, and even thicker. Now usually when one gets older, his music tends to be simpler, more transparent. Just listen to all those guys : Beethoven, Liszt, oh well, most of them. And the bad news is ... I think you won't like it, folks. It's less "accessible", and shall we say, more "difficult listening" (in need for a better opposite of "easy listening").
Oh well, enough for now. Let me just go and boldly change. To seek out new music and new ideas .. Make it so, Number One! Energize !!
